If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
