I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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