The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
