So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
