last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
