I hope mine doesn't look like that
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
