People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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