I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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