THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
