My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
