you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
