Acid is not a monday night drug
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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