Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm at about main and main street
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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