Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
