i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
