After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
