Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
