I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
