I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
