I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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