last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
