I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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