i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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