What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
