Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
