Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she looked like the before picture.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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