stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
