I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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