ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
