I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
