i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
