someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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