What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
