Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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