you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
