I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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