Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
