the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
