Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
4 words: hood of his car
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
