I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
