i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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