I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
