I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
