Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
