they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
