just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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