i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
