I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
