Dual....:-)
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
