just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
