dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
