I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
