I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
