Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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