so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
