I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
