Me too!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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