Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
