ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Barsexuality is the new black.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
