I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
